Because of growing up in church and attending seminary I had always thought myself to be a good person and took Christ for granted. That was until I lost the person I had always been closest to, my Grandpa. I knew his time was drawing to a close and every moment spent with him was truly a gift. But sitting on his mattress after the funeral home took him away every emotion over the previous several years hit me hard. With my mom we both sat on his bed a cried. I struggled over the next several months to years but one thought I took away from this was “if the things I had been taught were real and true my ONLY hope of ever seeing him again would only be through Jesus Christ”. To this end, I had decided I needed to take Him more seriously than I had ever done in the past. If God was going to restore my relationship with my grandpa I deserve to give God more of me than I had been giving before.

I had decided that grandpa would not have liked what I had become immediately following his death. I was depressed, angry, and had no motivation to do anything with my life. Sadly, it was easier to feel sorry for myself and not care. But, like I said, I know grandpa would not want this for my life. Besides, going to the thought I had how would feeling sorry for myself give glory to the One who had promised a restored relationship? With that, I had enrolled back in school (after I had already failed out twice before) and decided every day I wake up I would give everything I am to Jesus. I would then trust Him with the results of what came. I would trust in HIm to stitch together my days to weeks and weeks to months and months to years. The only thing I would do is give my day to Him. I have failed in this but I know He has already forgiven me and that He knows my heart. For that I continually am blessed. For example, after going back to school I was able to graduate nursing school and passed my boards. This is not to say I did not have a hard time with the process but it is only by God I was able to turn around two failed attempts at college into a success.

By devoting everything I am to God He has been able to even change my motivation on why I need to follow Him. I, at first, was dedicated to following Him because I wanted to see grandpa again (I still do so please do not misunderstand me here) but now my primary reason is that I get to see Jesus one day. I have found my fullness and completeness can only be found in Him and for that reason, everything I live for will always be for Him and no one else. I know I will get to see my grandpa again, I know that my family will be restored in Heaven, I know that those who were taken far too early will be there waiting to welcome me home. Those are all secondary to the joy I will have when I will get to worship the very one who created me and who has made a plan for me. In light of this everything here is only a corrupted glimpse of what I will get to see, do, touch, eat in Heaven.